


Shouldn’t Have Chosen Him

by TheNightCreatureSong (orphan_account)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse of italics, Cute, Defs gonna have some lesbians in here, F/F, F/M, Fucking love in space, IT IS TOO DARN EASY TO ADD THESE TAGS HOLY FUCK, Im actually kinda proud of this, Keith is a messy crier, Lance got the short end of the stick in life, Lance speaks Spanish, Lance-centric, Langst, Lesbians in Space, M/M, PTSD, SPOILER : Pronouns for Pidge will change, Sad lance, Shiro you smooth motherfucker I swear, So yeah, WTF, Will update after watching season 4, but I still love him, but still, gayness galore peeps, gays in space, keith is Texan holy fuck I’m gonna have a field day with that, lance my baby I’m sorry, miaow, shklangst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 15:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12039231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/TheNightCreatureSong
Summary: Lance was the open one, the one that didn’t really have a story like the others, excluding Hunk.Pidge really messed up.Lance knew about the Galra.He knew about the war.He knew how to kill Zarkon.But it was under layers and layers of self hate, the coldness that Lance felt with every kill.He thought he could pretend.





	1. Blue’s Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Langst foreplay >:)

“Back off Pidge.” A clear warning was in Lance’s voice now, the entire room was heavy and the air was stale with tension. Lance’s eyes were still closed.

 

Everyone was sitting in their relaxed meditation poses, supposedly being ‘open’ and ‘upfront’ with all the ‘baggage’ that each Paladin has been carrying.

 

Pidge, trying to avoid attention to his own memories and emotional baggage decided to choose the one person who deemed the least likely to have anything hidden, and push with all his might.

 

“Alright! I'm done!” Lance stands up, the flickering screen of a Lance with a screaming face and blood on his face caught everyone off guard. Especially Pidge.

 

“You don't see me picking through your brain like some sort of fucking scientist, unlike Hunk,” Hunk winced, just realizing how invasive he was being if someone like _Lance_ even saw it that way,

 

“you know how it feels to be pushed for answers so why are you fucking ganging up on me,” Lance raises a finger, glaring at the shrinking Pidge, Lance spun around, looking at the other paladins, “and I knew you guys were pushing as well, don't even try to deny it, especially you Hunk. I would have thought you knew that you don't know things about me, you were content. I guess our friendship wasn't as important as I thought it was. I'm out, I'm done. Fuck second personas.”

 

Lance glanced at Hunk one last time, his eyes were akin to the look of betrayal.

 

Maybe it was. Hunk knew exactly what he was doing. Knew exactly where Lance’s boundaries were. But he thought that maybe, _just_ maybe...he could learn more about Lance. The guy knew almost everything about him, but not vice versa. How could you be friends if you don't know what kind of life the other lived?

 

That was a dumb question, no doubt Lance and the rest of the team heard it.

 

Lance walked out of the room, throwing his helmet at the sliding door frame which made the castle walls crack slightly, a harsh static screech could be heard from the others’ helmets too not too far from them all.

 

Even Coran was too shocked to squawk at Lance about the castle and the helmet.

 

Pidge felt shame.

 

He shouldn't have just assumed; Lance could have had just the same or maybe even more problems just like anyone else. What a great teammate he was, already singling people out.

 

 

“I-I'll go check on-”

 

“I'm not sure that's a good idea Hunk. I think I should-” Shiro started to get up from his crossed legs. A hand from Allura stopping him.

 

“Princess?” Shiro looked up at her questioningly, her eyes were slightly guilty.

 

“Coran, can you please check on Lance?”

 

“Of course, Princess.” Coran lacked his robust cheer, his shoulders drooped just as low as Allura’s.

 

As the slide door closed behind Coran, Allura took the hand off she had put on Shiro’s shoulder.

 

She cleared her throat, and turned to the others who were watching her, half with curiosity and half with worry.

 

“I think it's time I tell you about the Blue Paladin.” She starts, taking a deep breath in, her shoulders shook slightly.

 

“What do you mean ‘About the blue Paladin?’” Keith asked, leaning back on his hands, trying to play off how he was actually a little worried about Lance.

 

“Well, I’m sure you all remember, when we were going to find the other lions, I was explaining the traits of each of your lions.” Allura waits for the others to nod, and then continues,

 

“Well, I didn't finish the Blue Paladins characteristics. The reason, for that,” Allura quickly keeps talking to interrupt Keith who had his mouth open, probably to say something insulting, “is because he knew what I was going to say.” Her voice cracked at that.

 

The others look at her to elaborate, but she just shakes her head, and just stays silent before taking a deep breath to continue.

 

“The Blue Paladin is the dominant leg of Voltron, the only reason Voltron can move forward with pride, that sort of strength of carrying an entire team wasn’t just luck. The Blue Paladin…is also known as, well, the Trickster.”

 

“The Trickster?” Shiro asked cautiously, trying not to force the Princess into explaining.

 

After a shuddering breath, she continues.

 

“I remember the first blue Paladin, I remember who he was, no, who he pretended he was, h-he’s the same as Lance. The Blue Paladin is- you know what, I can’t do this. I’ll have to show you, but since it’s already quite late, I suggest we all go to bed, I have something I need to show everyone in the morning, the sooner it’s done, the better.” Without wasting a beat, Allura just walks out of the room with quick steps.

 

The silence in the room was deafening, everyone was confused.

 

“I-I think I fucked up. Really,” Pidge takes a deep breath in, “really badly.”

 

“Same.” Hunk sighs.

 

Neither showed it, but Keith and Shiro both inwardly agreed.

 

\---

 

“I'm not who I used to be, I'm not who I used to be, I'm-”

 

_Exactly who you were before._

 

“No, I’m not, I've changed-”

 

_Have you?_

 

Silence…Lance thought, he thought about the friendships he had with Pidge and Hunk, he really saw them almost as family, heck, he had already accepted Shiro, Allura, Coran (and Keith but he’d never admit it) into his family.

 

But…how could he do that now, being part of a family was that you respected each other’s boundaries, but no one did that for him. He knew, it wasn’t just Hunk and Pidge, he felt Keith and Shiro both try to weasel their ways in. But maybe that was just Lance, the delusion that he was with people who actually acknowledged his presence and what he brought to the table. Maybe he was supposed to be alone, maybe he was still the young man who massacred a family, and loved every second of it. Even now, the death he’s reigned still doesn’t get to him. He still has the same regard and coldness. He hasn’t changed. The voice is right.

 

“No…”

 

_That's right._

 

Lance stopped pacing and stood in the middle of the room, staring at his feet, his hands tugging on the back of his head, curling his fingers in his hair painfully.

 

“I'm the same.”

 

His voice synchronized with his tormenter’s. The voice he's heard for years. Taunting his existence for as long as he could remember.

 

But it was familiar. Normal. And that was something Lance wanted. More than anything the stupid vacuum of space had to offer.

 

“We’re one and the same.”

 

Suddenly the door slid open and Lance’s mind was snapped awake, staring at the door like a deer in headlights. Quickly recovering his posture, holding his hands on his hips as he puts on a cocky smirk. Maybe exaggerating his stance, but Lance just wanted to get whoever put as soon as possible.

 

“Ah, Lance, there you are. Listen...we need to talk.”

 

Lance blinked at Coran.

 

“Sure, what's up?” Lance makes sure his shoulders were as loose as possible as he walked to the bed, collapsing onto the edge.

 

“I'm all ears.”

 

“So I wanted to- ears? Why are you all ears, I can see the proper amount of limbs-” Coran started to check Lance’s body, checking for anything wrong. When Lance suddenly giggles, turning away from Coran’s hand.

 

“That tickles~” Lance says excitedly, it seemed like the anger he had been displaying earlier had disappeared.

 

But Coran knew better.

 

“Well, that is a very important piece of information that I will now torture you with.”

 

A beat of silence.

 

Lance blinked. Coran blinked.

 

“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!” Lance quickly jumped off the bed, adrenaline speeding him up as he dodges Coran’s torturous hands and runs out of the room.

 

“Well, now you've done it!” Coran takes a deep breath in, puffing up his chest and running after Lance with his nostrils flaring. Gaining on Lance at a surprising rate for his age. Lance had a fleeting thought if he was hurting himself but quickly pushed himself faster as he saw the evil glint in Coran’s eyes.

 

“Save meeeeeeeee!” Lance shouted as they passed the kitchen, a flash of brown and yellow was all he saw of Hunk. He barely heard Hunk’s confused and surprised noise as he kept running in the direction of the training room, thinking of hiding behind Shiro.

 

“You can't run forever! I don't have any Wobblies in my knees now, I'm raring to go!”

 

“Pleeeeease noooooo someone save meeeeee!!!”

 

In the heat of the moment Lance even added:

 

“Even Keith! It's okay! I'll be good to Keith just don't tickle meeeeee!!!!!”

 

Still hot in pursuit, Coran, somehow, speeds up. Lance is almost to the training room, thankful as he sees Shiro and Keith tag teaming one of the higher level robots.

 

As the door slides open, he sees Shiro and Keith’s heads whip to him, momentarily distracted. The bot kicks their asses and Lance just dances around the room running from Coran.

 

When Lance sees that Shiro and Keith are done, a broken robot at their feet, he launches himself at them.

 

“HALP!” More of a yelp than a cry for help. But whatever got their attention.

 

He climbed onto Shiro’s shoulders, standing on his knees precariously as he chokes Shiro with his hands. Shiro sputters and starts spinning around, trying to pull Lance off gently and not run into a wall and/or faceplant.

 

Keith just watched in confusion, opting to back away slowly as he watched three of his teammates run around like headless chickens.

 

“What is going on here?!”

 

A new voice alerted everyone and all of the headless chickens (and Keith) froze, heads whipping to the door in synchronization.

 

“Lance! Get off Shiro now! Coran! I don't know what your doing but I need you to check the cryo pods, I need them in top condition for the next mission! Shiro! We need to talk, meet me on the bridge! Now.” And just like that, the princess turns on her heel, the stress of Zarkon still making her stiff.

 

Lance waits for Coran to heave a sigh and walk out of the training room with a slight spring in his step, hardly affected by Allura’s adopted stiff attitude.

 

“Can you get off me now?” Shiro spoke up when Lance didn't move.

 

“Gack!” Lance made a very unattractive sound as he jumped off Shiro, landing in a heap on his tailbone. Hearing a very bad _crack_ as well.

 

“Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow ow….” Lance quickly got up, ignoring Shiro’s outward stretched arms and a small wince from Keith who was still spectating.

 

“Ooohhhhh what a great day what a fucking fantastic day...god I can't even be bothered pretending to be okay now; fuck my life I should have killed myself when I had he chance. FUCK IT ALL.”

 

Lance spoke as he limped across the training room, chanting under his breath, sadly not as quiet as he thought. The other two heard every word. Lance trained his eyes on the floor, clutching his elbow (the skin had broken when he fell) as he walked to the exit.

 

A hard chest blocked his only escape route.

 

“What did you say?” Shiro’s sharp leader voice made Lance flinch, the swish of clothing alerted him the Keith was standing behind him, blocking him from backing away.

 

Instead of putting up the farce like he usually does, Lance just stares at Shiro, the gears in his head turning, thinking what to say and what not to say.

 

“Get out of my way.” Was all he said, the eerie adopted stare putting Shiro on edge.

 

“No, you have some explaining to do.”

 

Lance heard a soft but affirmative grunt from behind him.

Suddenly he spins and Keith takes a step back from surprise, and fear of the cold, cold ice in Lance’s eyes.

 

“I don’t know if Allura told you, but I’m pretty fucked up, okay? I’ve been through hell and back and then to hell again! No offense Shiro, I mean you probably saw stuff you shouldn’t have, but you were like, what, 20? Well, lucky for you my friend! My first encounter with the fucking Galra was when I was six!” The stunned faces didn’t stop Lance like they should have, he just kept on rambling, unable to bear the silence anymore.

 

“My whole family are a bunch of space hippies! My mom was Altean, my dad was Cuban and at the right place at the wrong time, met my mother and poof! There’s me! But oh no, that’s not all, I was fucking kidnapped by a Galra! Who knows how! And frankly, I stopped asking myself that a long time ago! But then I was experimented on. Oh look, let’s see how he reacts if I do this? Will he retain permanent brain damage if I do that? Oh well only one way to find out!”

 

Lance knew he was hysterical and out of control, but he also knew that it was bound to happen, he was just lucky it was sooner rather than later.

 

“Lance-!” Keith was interrupted by Lance before he could say any more.

 

“Oh no, no no no no no no no no. Just no. Don’t you dare interrupt me. I need to say something or I’ll hear the voices again! I don’t want to hear the voices! Do you know how it feels? To have actually killed someone when your eight?! Eight Keith!

 

”I had just started Year 3! I couldn’t even do long division, but I knew how to kill someone, I knew where the major arteries are. You wondered why I knew how to use a gun?! That’s why! Okay?! Happy!? Are all of you happy now?! First it was my- what I thought were my closest friends and now it’s from people who I barely know! I’m sorry I assumed I had a right to privacy!

 

“I don’t know why I didn’t kill my school councilors! They kept saying stuff about how I wasn’t the cold monster I think I am. None of them understood that there was no thinking about it! I knew it! I knew it then and I know it now and I-!”

 

Lance took in a deep breath, his face was flushed and his lungs were burning with the lack of oxygen. He hadn’t even noticed the sting of his eyes and the sticky, half dried tears that made his skin itch, he started to scratch his face absent minded, harder than necessary, hard enough for it to hurt and almost break the skin.

 

Shiro and Keith just watch in horror as they watch their fellow paladin sink to the ground, his hands scratching at his face as if to claw off all the invisible blood tattooed on his skin.

 

Suddenly, Shiro was the first one to break out of his trance and quickly ducked down to scoop the trembling Lance into his arms, looking for the two who seemingly knew him the best, if that didn’t help, Shiro wouldn’t know what to do.

 

As he speedwalks, he hears Keith straggling behind a few steps, amd then jogging in time, his eyes scanning the rooms for anything. His senses were on overdrive and he was restless and confused. Relying more on his instncts to protect than really digest the onslaught of information chucket at his face.

 

“Hunk!” Shiro shouts as they get to the kitchen, they see Hunk putting some weird smelling green icing on top of a very unnatural red cake. It didn’t look appetizing at all.

 

Said Samoan boy turned, his eyes widened when he saw Lance in a fetal position in Lance’s arms, shaking and on the edge of consciousness, and his panicky nature overdrived.

 

“HOLY CHEESE.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  
_Lance dreamt, or did he? It felt like he was seeing two visions, one of blurred faces and one of blue skies, blue sea, blue…sand? In fact, everything was blue, there was a patch of grass in the half sand half grassy ground, every single blade shimmered a shade of periwinkle in the blue sun. The blue light was omious, but in no way frightning. As a breeze blew by his face and he felt his shoulders relax, the blurry faces fading out of his peripheral._

_It was peaceful, and for once in his god forsaken life, Lance felt at ease, his shoulders dropped, his eyes closed, his face relaxed, neither smiling nor frowning, just in that perfect inbetween that he really needed in his life._

_A growl behind him spurred his eyes open, but instead of whipping around, Lance’s face slowly turns to look behind him, sitting there was a lioness about twice his height, her eyes were all yellow and her fur was a matte blue (Non metallic or sparkly) and the tips of her ears faded into a light shade of gray._

_“ **Why**?” His voice sounded quiet._

_A small rumble in her chest was all he got in response as she turned her face to stare out at the hardly discernable horizon, Lance looked in the same way, he closed his eyes again._

_And slowly, ever so slowly, the slight breeze quieted, no longer tugged on his skin and clothes, he felt the ground falling, not abruptly, but slowly, like Lance was flying for the first time. Slow and steady._

_And he just stayed there, in the void._

_The comforting whoosh of the waves in the back of his eyes soothing him._

_“ **You’re amazing beautiful…** ” he muttered as the blackness started to ebb into his consciousness._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline is loosely based around key events during the entire series, so things will be out of order in canon


	2. Flicker Of A Second Shance

_“Is he breathing? I can’t tell.”_

_“Oh god please please please don’t be_ _dead! Is he dead? He’s dead isn’t he?!”_

“Calm down Hunk, he’s breathing.”

Lance’s eyes flutter open, the dim lighting in whatever room they were in made the back of his eyes throb. Six extremely concerned faces stared down at him, as soon as he opens his eyes though, everyone seemed to realease a long sigh. Tension from everyone’s shoulders dropped and suddenly Lance was overwhelmed by how everyone was croweded.

Questions and voices were thrown at him and everyone’s faces closed in, the ceiling was insured and Lance’s breathing became shallow as he became overwhelmed. Flashes of purple and red switching between the dim room.

“Get away from me!” Lance screeched as he brought up his arms to protect his face , elbows protruding as he jumped up, the six faces that didn’t tregister in his mind were then jerked back, and Lance scrambled away. Crawling on his hands and knees to get to the lit up doorway. The desperation and fatigue making his movements jerky and uncoordinated.

“Lance!” Different voices collectively shouted at him, and Lance jumped up and ran, pushing himself to go faster as he heard footsteps chase after him.

He ran frantically, down hallways and ducking his head behind to check for any oncomers, his eyes widened as he only saw the big bulky man with monochrome hair and one with- is that a mullet?!

Lance was doubly terrified.

Now, Lance wasn’t the most coordinated man, sire he could fly a ship, does acrobatics and gymnastics, he could dance too! But running...no.

That was why he tripped over nothing, face planting with a surprising amount of grace that astonished both Keith and Lance, who halted in their footsteps as they watched.

“Oomph!”

Lance knew his nose was bleeding.

The pain was minimal as he quickly pushed himself him, crawling backwards on the ground on his hands.

“G-get away from me! I-I want to go home! It’s m-my friend’s birthday! Please! You can do whatever tomorrow! I promised I would be there! Plea-!”

“Lance, stop, we’re not going to hurt you.”Keith spoke up, surprising Shiro, Keith crouched down with his hands up where Lance could see them, Shiro followed his lead soon after. The fear in Lance’s eyes were now more skeptical than fearful.

“That’s right. It’s okay, no one is going to hurt you anymore, okay?”

Shiro spoke this time, taking note of Lance’s posture relaxing, still on guard.

“W-where am I?”

New terror filled his eyes, had they decided to take him away? From the small minuscule of a normal life he had managed to salvage? Why-

“Lance.” Both Shiro and Keith spoke at the same time, “Do you know who we are?”

“Y-Your not G-Galra…” Lance muttered, and Keith smiled at him.

“That’s right,” Shiro kept talking, “We are Team Voltron, I am Shi- Takashi Shirogane, the black paladin, remember me?”

Recognition passed through Lance’s eyes and Shiro kept talking.

“This is Keith- the red paladin-!”

“Mullet-man…” Lance muttered, a weak smile gracing his face.

“Wha-!”

“Yes.” Shiro pressed on, not letting Keith argue.

“Okay...okay...um...I uh, I remember…” Lance sheepishly looked away from the two, relief and embarrassment apparent.

“Well, I’m going to go take a bath, I feel like I deserve it, I do need some me time after all.” Lance grins, but it falls short.

To say walking back was awkward was an understatement.

**-Timeskip-**

Lance was scratching his head, he had the most disturbing dream, he dreamt that he’d told both Keith and Shiro everything, and it was putting him on edge, who knew what he muttered when he was asleep, wait...why were they all crowded around him when he woke up? He was taking a beauty nap...right? Did he miss something?

“Hey Hunk, why was everyone all up in my face?” Lance’s demeanor suggested relaxation as he leaned on the kitchen bench. Both still felt a bit awkward about the last night.

“You…” Hunk turned to Lance, forgetting whatever he was doing, and looked at Lance with worried eyes.

This only spiked his suspicion, he must have done something...oh god, please, please don’t have mentioned how he lived on Earth-

“Lance, we need to talk.”

The steel voice behind Lance made him spin, grabbing his heart and wheezing.

“Jeez Keith! You almost gave me a heart attack, can you go one minute without being...you?!”

Lance snapped his jaw shut, both Hunk and Keith widened their eyes, Hunk stood between the two gingerly, as if to stop any more arguing.

Lance hadn’t meant to say that. He didn’t mean it, he was just thinking about...about….

Lance had a flashback of his dream, it was so...vivid, disturbingly so, maybe….no. No way Lance would let himself fall like that.

Right?

“Hunk, I need to talk to Lance.”

Lance didn’t say anything, and Hunk just stared at him, eyes that he refused to meet.

“Lance?” Hunk’s voice was questioning, asking him if he wanted him to leave, the blue paladin just sighed.

_I expected this sooner or later..._

“If you don’t mind Hunk…”

“Oh….okay.” Lance winced as Hunk sounded the tiniest bit hurt. But walked out of the room, as soon as the slide door closed, Keith closed in on Lance, who flinched and stepped backwards, surprised by the sudden closeness.

“You are going to tell me everything you know about the Galra.” Keith’s eyes were the same purple as the stalactite that Sendak had used to cut-

Lance took a sudden intake of breath, a look of fear flashing in his eyes before he speaks.

“What are you talking about? I know just as much as you.”

“That’s not what you said yesterday, you-!”

“Keith!” Shiro suddenly walked in, his face was anything but happy, Lance on the other hand was quite shaken and felt like he was about to be ambushed by questions.

“Well, looks like you need to talk to Mullet-man over here, so I’m gonna go bounce, see ya!” Lance runs out of the room before either could stop him.

He ran straight to his room and smashed the lock button he had discovered how to use not too long ago. Succumbing to his fears.

 _Thank god for sound proof walls_ , he thinks to himself as he screams as he falls deeper into the black. Blue sun long gone.

~

“Keith.” Shiro’s voice was somehow disappointed, irritated and weary at the same time, making Keith curl into himself but he still stood his ground.

“He has answers, Shiro, we can use-!”

“Keith!” Shiro still hasn’t said anything but his name, but Keith felt like he was being reprimanded for every single bad thing he’s done in his life. His resolve was slowly crumbling.

“H-He might know how to end the war…” Keith mumbled, to convince Shiro or himself he didn’t know. Shiro’s eyes softened.

“Give him time...he’s been with the Galra for longer than I have Keith, and he was a _kid_. If he starts to become unstable, _then_ we'll do something, but no pushing for answers. Just act like normal for now. Understood?”

Shiro’s level headed gaze made Keith shrink more, if possible, he just mumbled an affirmative.

Shiro let out a sigh and walked away, probably to the training room.

Keith shoved his hands in his pocket and kicked some non-existent dust with his shoe.

“Fuck.”

Fuck indeed.

~

Lance’s sobs faded to subside, he felt a voice in the back of his head telling him he was pathetic for crying over the most obvious reaction to their ‘enlightenment’ to the situation.

Suddenly, the small room was bathed in red and a deafening screech of the alarm was blaring, Lance quickly sat up, feeling a headache coming on at the sudden jolt.

“Paladins!” Allura’s voice sounded, and Lance relaxed, gosh, he didn’t know Alteans were so _bad_ at acting, it honestly just made Lance want to cry a bit more. He chuckled to himself as he quickly washed his face, jumped into his armour, and grabbed his helmet, running out the door.

“That was atrocious!!”

Allura was screaming at all of them in a line, her hair in bun that suited her perfectly, especially in military mode.

She looked at each person down the line, save Shiro and Lance who (barely) got there in time.

“How come only Lance and Shiro are in armour?! You’re lucky this wasn’t a real drill, otherwise we’d be-!”

Suddenly the ship shuddered hard, everyone was caught off balance, Allura ran to the control panel.

“Oh quiznack…” everyone heard her mutter, as Lance pushed himself up and looked at the giant holographic screen, his eyes widened and his hands shook.

A giant purple and achingly familiar ship was drifting _way_ too close to the castle.

“It’s the ship…” Lance muttered, only Keith heard as he quickly looked in Lance’s direction, but a small look from Shiro made him stop.

“Alright, Paladins, we need you to get to your lions, we have an in invited guest, lets give them their designated greetings.”

“Yes princess!” Shiro shouted and everyone ran to their hangars, Lance hung back for a second, swallowing heavily as he looked at the ship.

“Diablo…” he muttered as he ran and ignored Allura’s incredulous and confused look.

~

“Alright team, I want Lance and Hunk to disable the ion cannon, Pidge, scan the ship for prisoners, Keith, you and me take the fighter drones, everyone know what they’re doing?”

A unanimous “Yeah!” went through the comms.

“¿Qué hice para merecer esto?” Lance muttered to himself darkly.

(Translation: What did I do to deserve this? - I used Google Translate btw ;D)

“What did you say?!” Keith asked him as he and a Shiro decended on the fighter drones.

“Nothing that concerned your little mullet!”

Everyone went to do their designated jobs.

~

After a few tries, the ion cannon stayed in one price, as if taunting him and Hunk.

“The ion cannon isn’t breaking?!” Hunk’s hysteric voice spoke over the comms.

“Hunk it’s fine, I’ll just-!”

“Guys!” Pidge’s voice interrupts, and before Lance can say anything, he keeps talking. “There are cells in the bows of the ship, I’m getting multiple heat signatures, they definitely aren’t soldiers!”

A shot near him muffels the connection and their is a brief bout of static before Pidge continues.

“Some of them seem humanoid!” The last part was probably just for him but everyone heard it.

“Okay! Change of plans, Keith, you bust a hole into the roof of the ship, Hunk I want you and Pidge to go in and get the prisoners, and then evacuate as fast as possible, Lance, Keith and I will buy you as much time as we can-!”

“And us!” Coran’s voice chirps up into the speakers, his face appearing on the holo screens, the mice on his shoulders and Allura in the background controlling the castle.

“And you guys, thanks princess.”

Keith quickly jumped out of his lion on the roof and sliced through the thick metal with his bayard, big enough for the yellow lion to comfortably fly to and fro.

Pidge, with his lion on standby close, jumps into the ship with the yellow lion.

Lance quickly turns his attention to the onslaught of drones heading their way, guns blazing.

“Let’s get this done, I want to just chill out.”

Lance’s voice was answered by two affirmative grunts from Shiro and Keith.

They destroyed all the drones, Pidge and Hunk saves the prisoners, and they brought a little present too.

One present that Lance could have done without.

As everyone walks into the med bay’s extra space, Lance freezes and his eyes widen.

Sendak was in the pods, immobilised.

“What the fuck did you do…?” Lance asks quietly, gaining the attention of his crew who were standing in a semi circle conversing quietly.

“What did you do?!” Lance was starting to feel more bouts of hysteria, his hands slowly and shakily travelled to his scalp, pulling the locks forcefully.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!”

The Paladins surround Lance, no one sure how to approach him, he was shrieking the same question loudly again and again until—

Lance collapses, his exhaustion finally getting to him from countless sleepless nights.

The last thing he sees is a hallucination of Sendak grinning at him from the pod.

~

Lance opens his eyes to the bloody ceiling in his old room.

“Not again…” he mutters, slowly getting up. He groans as he feels his stiff muscles creak. How many times is he going to have this dream?

 _Gotta stop being a damsel in distress...seriously..._ he thinks tiredly as he forces his legs to support his weight, walking around what looked like some sort of cell he’s seen almost every night.

The bars were thick and round (ya know what else is? *wink wink*) and close together, only allowing a thin strip of vision of more blood on the walls, Lance shivers.

That’s all of _his_ blood.

Shining metal and splintering wood cutting out the shapes of torture methods Lance was all too familiar with.

As he stands up, trying to get a better view outside like he always does, the slow, harsh and heavy beats of someone’s footsteps sounded. Like they always did.

“Well well well, since this is goodbye, I’m going to make this night _extra_ painful.” A drawled and gravelly voice was whispering in Lance’s ear.

Sendak.

Lance stumbled backwards as he always did.

Pleaded on deaf ears even though it was futile.

….

…

..

_One eye. One arm. One purpose in life._

_To make Lance scream. Keep screaming._

_And scream some more._

 

Lance screams as he jumps out of bed. Thank _god_ the Alteans has soundproof walls. Because these night terrors were really making him a screamer (in more ways than one) and he doesn’t know what he’d do if one of his team had heard him.

Probably cry some more, he was pathetic like that.

“I want to listen to P!nk…” Lance mutters as he slowly walks to the door and uses the scanner to open the door, as soon as it opens, Shiro was standing there, standing as if he was about to knock.

He looked like he was going to cry. It terrified Lance, too much to handle in his brain that wasn’t fully awake yet.

“Sh-Shiro?! What’s wrong?!”

He doesn’t say anything but just walks into the room, Lance follows him and shuts the door and locks it, just in case.

As Lance looks at Shiro again, he’s pacin fast, messing his hair with his hands, pulling it occasionally, his eyes were worried and wet, stray tears started to trace the edge of his nose.

_What the hell am I supposed to do?! Shiro doesn’t want to be consoled by me! Allura could’ve helped him, why-?!_

“Lance.” Shiro interrupted Lance’s thoughts, he was now standing in Lance’s bubble, staring at him with eyes that made Lance wince. He somehow looked mad, sad, uncomfortable _and_ disappointed. How does someone do that?

“I need you,” Shiro was careful now, holding Lance’s forearms in a gentle bit firm grip, keeping him from running.

Lance felt dread pool in his stomach.

“to tell me everything you know about the Galra.”

Lance’s eyes widened and he felt his head shaking as he stared at Shiro.

“P-please don’t….” Lance whispered, for so long he’d been able to compose his face face, while his mind ran in circles, but now his mind...his mind isn’t a place someone like Lance can compose.

His whisper was raspy, the screaming from before burned.

“I heard you scream, Lance. I-!” Shiro’s voice caught.

“H-how...I- I thought the rooms were soundproof…”

“Not when your at the door, Lance. I don’t want you to be alone. Okay? I-I _know_ what your feeling, I-I-!” Shiro’s voice was getting shaky and uncertain.

Suddenly, Lance feels a flicker of anger.

“I’ve been feeling like this ever since I can remember Shiro, you don’t know how I feel.”

Lance, in an odd but empowering surge of confidence, slowly brings up his palms to Shiro’s cheeks, wiping them with his thumbs gently.

“But-!”

Lance wasn’t having it.

“I hope you never do.”

There was tense silence, the two just stared at each other, searching the other for who knows what. Some sort of consolation…?

“I don’t know _how_ they dealt with you in great detail, and you probably don’t remember it, but...we’ve met before...on Zarkon’s main ship. Me and…” Lance’s already dim eyes for darker, “my family…we were prisoners and I...ran away. I saw them take you, I saw the Galra that helped you too.”

This information caught Shiro off guard. The Galra? Helping him? There was no way that was possible.

Although…

It was pretty convenient.

“Shiro, I know you probably don’t believe me and you probably hate the Galra, but there is a group, the-!”

A knock at the door interrupted Lance.

“Lance…?” Hunk’s cautious voice carries into the room.

Lance had an internal debate, whether to answer or ignore Hunk, he was telling Shiro something important, that they had allies, sorely needed ones at that.

But he wasn’t sure if it would work out...he still had to try.

Lance didn’t say anything, and the sad and defeated sigh on the other side of the door only twisted the knife in his heart deeper. Hunk’s footsteps echoed in his brain.

He leaned forward, suddenly tired, resting his head on Shiro’s right shoulder, away from his Galra arm, and sighed and gave a half hearted chuckle.

“Oh god, I should have died on that mother fucking ship.”

“Hey-!”

Lance lifted his hands to cover Shiro’s mouth, lifting his head to trace the line of Shiro’s neck with his nose, stopping at his ear to whisper:

“Find the Blade of Marmora, they _will_ help you.” He chuckled again, but it sounded fake to even his ears, “Now that I’ve told you something, you owe me, tell me something about you.”

Lance looked up at Shiro expectantly, feeling a completely inappropriate rush of pride as he sees his leader’s face with a prominent red blush at his closeness.

“I-um...e-eh…?”

 _What the fuck is wrong with me?!_ Shiro struggles on the inside to form words, he was too focused on the fact that Lance looked hot as _hell_ right now, and he was really... _really_ close.

Lance’s laugh sounded like bells.

“It’s okay, I’m kidding,” they both knew he wasn’t, “but, could you send Keith in here for a second? Tell him to bring /the/ knife, not a knife, /the/ knife, I literally couldn’t be any more clear on this.”

“What-?”

“He’ll know what I’m talking about.”

“O-okay…”

~

Lance was checking his nails as he heard a knock at his door, he just drawled out a lazy, ‘Come in’ and the door slid open. Standing there was a casually clothed Keith, Lance could see the handle of the Galra knife poking out of his pocket.

“How did you know about-!?”

Before he could finish, Lance pulled Keith into his room, effectively shutting him up.

“Sit.”

Keith obeyed. He lowered himself on the bed, looking at Lance curiously, and cautiously, but Lance just ignored that.

Keith was being careful, and he was being safe, and that is good.

Still stung though.

“So...you’re half Galra.”

 


	3. Not an Update - MUST READ

Hi guys, so I’ve been stressing and running dry for a long time, and, well, shit hit the fan today.

Do you know why?

SEASON 4 VOLTRON LEGENDARY DEFENDERS + PERIODS WOOOOO

No but seriously my meds for the pain aren’t working, my body has gotten use to them so they aren’t affective anymore...I think? I’m not sure, I was a bit busy trying not to cry in public.

Yeah, it’s that bad.

Anyway, about the story, since Season 4 is coming out really REALLY soon, I’m going to postpone this fic, I am not, I repeat am NOT going to drop this. Since this specific story is more focused on Lance’s insecurities and relationships with the team, the happenings aren’t AS important, still canon compliant but not to the point where I’m quoting a whole scenes (unless it works perfectly then I’m definitely going to) and stuff, so it’s a whole mix and match of stuff from Seasons 1 to 3 and I’m just thinking of adding 4 in there as well, so long story short, I’m gunna go on a hiatus.

BUT NOT TO WORRY IVE HAD AN EPIPHANY AND A LOT OF GREAT FIC IDEAS AND I WILL ADD THEM SOON.

All my other fics (lack there-of and excluding one-shots) are still going unless specified.

Soooo, yeah, that’s it.

I love anyone who’s reading this with all my heart bc I know some ppl don’t usually read these.

Also has anyone seen the move ‘The Invention of Lying’? 

If you haven’t it’s fuckingn amazing.

Kk that’s enuf from meh (woah wtf keyboard, leaving it like that tho :3) I’ll update as soon as I can.

Kisses xxx

~TNC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone ever bookmark something for later and never actually read it until months later because you found it while browsing?
> 
> Probably hit me but you know.
> 
> Lance my boi xx

**Author's Note:**

> Critic of construction plz, any typos or grammar mistakes, please tell me. Everything is unbetad. 
> 
> If anyone has any suggestions, just hmu in the comments. :3
> 
> Also is anyone else the kind of person who comments on EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER??? It’s not just me right?
> 
> Right???
> 
> Also does anyone ever wish they could forget something so they can experience it all over again? That can’t just be me.
> 
> Right....?


End file.
